求搞笑冷笑话对话？

甲：教女孩子游泳，用什么方法才好？乙：首先，用左手轻轻揽住她的腰，再拉着

她的右手，然后…… 甲：可她是我妹妹啊。乙：噢……那就从池边把她推下 去就行了。。。

“儿子，你怎么蹲在门口不进屋啊？”“我今天考了倒数第一，老妈说这次再考倒数第一，就让我跪搓衣板。”“儿子，别怕，进去吧，你妈不是那种人。”“我不敢。老爸你喝酒了？你太坏了，知道家里就一个搓衣板让我先进去，哼。”

一、英语笑话故事

  One Engine Left

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers。

   We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left。 Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r

esult。

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks。 We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one。

   We will now arrive in London three hours late。"

　　At this point, one passenger became furious。 "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　只剩一个引擎

　　一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。

  但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时　。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦　？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。

你有创意，最好自己写出来，不完善的地方大家帮你改！

二、求一个两人的英语笑话 对话式的 速度？

  Long ago, in a land far away, there lived a beautiful young girl。

She was very sad。 Her mother had died and her father had married again。

   His new wife had two ugly daughters, Esmerelda and Griselda。

Soon after, her father also died and life immediately changed for the girl。

"You will be our servant, "said her stepmother。 "You will do everything we say。"

"You must sleep in the kitchens, by the fire," said the stepsisters。

After tending the fire, and cooking and leaning, the girl's clothes were very dirty。 She was called to clear away dishes。

"There are cinders all over your clothes!" exclaimed the stepmother。 "Cinders for Cinderella。 That's your new name。 Clear these things away, Cinderella。

"Cinderella! Cinderella!" sang Esmerelda and Griselda。 "Oh, how clever you are, Mama!"

Cinderella had to work very hard, as all the other servants were dismissed。

One day, an invitation arrived from the palace。

"Girls, listen to this," said the stepmother。 Cinderella was serving the breakfast。

   She listened as her stepmother read the invitation。

"The King is having a ball," she said, excitedly。 "He is looking for a wife for the Prince! Oh, my dears, this is wonderful。

   He will probably choose one of you, but it will be such a hard choice to make。

"Am I invited too, stepmother?" asked Cinderella。

"You! Certainly not!" exclaimed her stepmother。 "The thought of such a thing。 A scruffy servant going to a ball, when only beautiful ladies are invited!"

"Hah! Hah!" laughed the stepsisters。

   "Beautiful! That doesn't include you, Cinderella!"

"You may help my two lovely girls to get ready," said her stepmother。

"Oh," said Cinderella, sadly。

"We shall all have new dresses, girls, and we shall go shopping today。 Clear away these things, Cinderella。

'Oh, I wish I could go to the ball,' thought Cinderella。

The day of the ball arrived and the whole day was spent preparing Esmerelda and Griselda。

   Cinderella did her best to make the sisters look pretty, but it was an impossible task。

Finally, the coach arrived to collect the girls and their mother。

Cinderella was very tired and she wandered back to the kitchens。

"Oh, I did so want to go," she sighed as she sat down by the fire。

"What's to stop you?" asked a voice。

"Who's that?" asked Cinderella, looking around。

"I'm here by the door。" A strange woman walked up to Cinderella。

   "I heard you the other day, wishing you could go to the ball。 Well, the ball。

Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold them!

斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们？

斯丹：浴室。

弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办？

斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛！

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".

ELLEN: I is...

TEACHER: No, Ellen. We always say, "I am."

ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

三、大家给一些日常生活的对话式笑话给我行吗？

  让人无语的男女对话，看了你一定崩溃！！！ 　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。1

　　男：“我可以向你问路吗？”

　　女：“到那里？”

　　男：“到你心里”

　　女：“抱歉，此路不通”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。2

　　男：“你的腿一定很累吧!”

　　女：“为什么？”

　　男：“因为你在我脑海中跑了一整天”

　　女：“我觉得还行，因为你的脑子实在是太小了”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。

  3

　　男：(看着她衬衫的标签)

　　女：“你在做什么？”

　　男：“想知道你是不是天堂制造的”

　　女：“难道你是地狱出品？”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。4

　　男：“我今天很不顺利，看见漂亮女生微笑会让我心情好一点，你可以为我笑一下吗？”

　　女：“你想让我今天也不顺利吗？”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。

  5

　　男：“抱歉，我是艺术家，凝视美女是我的工作”

　　女：“抱歉，我是饲养员，被别人看着我会很不舒服”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。6

　　男：“小姐可以借我五元吗？”

　　女：“你要做啥？？”

　　男：“我要打电话给我妈说我今天看到了一个绝世大美女。

　　女：“很抱歉我不能借给你。”

　　男：“为什么。”

　　女：“因为我要打电话到医院，说自己被一个青蛙吓到了。”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。7

　　男：“今天的雨真大。”

　　女：“是啊。”

　　男：“那是因为老天对着你流口水。

　　女：“这么说刚才刮的那阵风是老天在对你放P了？”　【男的话绝，女的回答更绝】No。8

　　男：“相信我……我会让你成为世界上第二幸福的人!”

　　女：“为什么不是第一啊……”(装可爱貌)

　　男：“有了你……我就是最幸福的人!”(浅浅的微笑)

　　女：“我想我很快就能成为世界第一幸福的人了。

  ”(遐想状)

　　男：“为什么？”(疑惑)

　　女：“因为我就要甩掉你了。”。

  2、昨晚女朋友对我说你根本不了解女人，其实女人说不要的时候就是想要，说要的时候就是不想要。听她这么说我终于了解女人了。

今天，女朋友说要去爬山，她对我说：“你不要背我上山。”

结果，我狡猾地说：“好，我听你的！”

下山时，女朋友对我说：“你说过要听我的。

我说：“我一定听你的，不听我是小狗。”

结果，女朋友狡猾地说：“你要背我下山，不到家里不许放下我。”

怎么我还是不了解女人啊？

3、跟女友在公园约会，正巧有一群鸽子从头顶飞过。

我对女友说：“我的新房有阁楼，我打算等咱们结婚后也养群鸽子，你不会有意见吧？”

女友快言快语道：“没意见，我太喜欢鸽子了。

我兴奋地说：“真是缘分啊，你最喜欢哪种鸽子？”

女友抿了抿嘴说：“红烧的！”

4、女儿在镜前抹口红，妈妈非常担心。

妈妈：“口红是男同学给的吧。”

女儿：“是呀。”

妈妈：“女孩子不该随便接受男孩子的礼物，赶快还给他吧。”

女儿：“我每天都在还呀。

妈妈：“什么意思？”

女儿：“我把它每天抹在嘴上再还给他。。。”。