找几个英语幽默笑？

  奇怪的关系：Work and Babies

Four best friends met at the hospital since their wives were giving births to their babies。 The nurse comes up to the first man and says, "Congratulations, you got twins。

  " The man said "How strange, I'm the manager of Minnesota Twins。" After awhile the nurse comes up to the second man and says, "Congratulations, you got triplets。

  " Man was like "Hmmm, strange I worked as a director for the "3 musketeers。" Finally, the nurse comes up to the third man and says "Congratulations, you got twins x2。

  " Man is happy and says, "Ironic, I work for the hotel "4 Seasons。" All three of them are happy until they see their last buddy jumping all over the place, cursing God and banging his head on the wall。

   They asked him what's wrong and he answered, "What's wrong? I work for 7up"!

四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产。护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎。

  "男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理。"过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎。"男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了。我是3M公司的董事。"最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎。"男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作。

  "他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙。他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"。

一、英语的幽默笑话谁有

  1。 Virtue

Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member。

   One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency。 I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student。

When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me。

   "You'll get that degree, dear," she whispered。 "Perseverance is a virtue。"

美 德

获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。

  一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。

最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道:“坚持不懈是一种美德。

2。 Difference

"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles。

   "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon。" But the graduate students just write it down。

区 别

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。”

3。

  Too Long

The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier。

   She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct。 "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive。

   Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long。"

太久

一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话，说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章。

  她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠。“我还想确定，”她怯怯地坦白道:“您是否还健在。每次发现作者已经不在人世了，我才知道我将文章压得太久了。”

4。Charge for Bread and Butter

Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City。

   When the bill arrived, there was a $1。50 charge for bread and butter。 Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter。

   However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for。 Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services。

Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services。

Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter。"

The $1。50 was returned without delay。

面包和黄油费

几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。

  帐单上来时，上面有1。5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。

餐馆马上打来电话，问道:“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事?我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。

爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。”

那1。5美元立即就寄了回来。

5。 Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night。

   He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills。

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm。

   He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning。

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说:“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”。

二、英语幽默故事（要有中文）

Peterdozedoffwhilehisteacherwastalking.老师正在讲课,彼得打起瞌睡来了。 !Tellus,what'sthebiggestintheworld?老师:彼得!你说说,世界上什么最大? ,well....eyelids....彼得:嗯……嗯……眼皮…… ?老师:什么?眼皮? ,sir.BecauseassoonasIshutmyeyes,theeyelidscovereverythingoftheworld.彼得:是的,老师。因为我眼睛一闭,眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了