求一个英语小笑话

  Violin Lessons

"Daddy, can I learn to play the violin?" young Sarah asked her father。 She was always asking for things and her father was not very pleased。

"You cost me a lot of money, Sarah," he said。 "First you wanted to learn horse riding, then dancing, then swimming。

   Now it's the violin。

"I'll play every day, Daddy。" Sarah said。 "I'll try very hard。

"All right," her father said。

   "This is what I'll do。 I'll pay for you to have lessons for six weeks。 At the end of six weeks you must play something for me。

   If you play well, you can have more lessons。 If you play badly, I will stop the lessons。"

"0。 K。 Daddy," Sarah said。

   "That is fair。

He soon found a good violin teacher and Sarah began her lessons。 The teacher was very expensive, but her father kept his promise。

The six weeks passed quickly。 The time came for Sarah to play for her father。

She went to the living room and said, "I'm ready to play for you, Daddy。

"Fine, Sarah," her father said。 "Begin。

She began to play。 She played very badly。 She made a terrible noise。

Her father had one of his friends with him, and the friend put his hands over his ears。

When Sarah finished, her father said, "Well done, Sarah。

   You can have more lessons。"

Sarah ran happily out of the room。 Her father's friend turned to him。 "You've spent a lot of money, but she still plays very badly。

   he said。

"Well, that's true," her father said。 "But since she started learning the violin I've been able to buy five apartments in this build very cheaply。

   In another six weeks I'll own the whole building!"

小提琴课

“爸爸，我能学拉小提琴吗?”小莎拉问她的父亲。她总是要东西，因此她爸爸很不高兴。

“你花了我很多钱，莎拉，”他说，“开始你想学骑马，然后想学跳舞，然后是游泳。

  现在又想学拉小提琴。”

“我会每天都拉的，爸爸，”莎拉说，“我会认真练的。”

“好吧，”她爸爸说。“下面是我要做的:我会为你付六个星期的小提琴课的钱，六个星期后你必须拉首曲子给我听。如果你拉得很好，你可以继续上小提琴课，要是你拉得很差，你就不要再学了。

“行。爸爸，”莎拉说，“这很公平。”

他很快就找到了一个好的小提琴老师，莎拉就开始学拉提琴了。尽管学费很高，但她爸爸遵守了诺言。

六个星期很快就过去了。该莎拉拉提琴给爸爸听了。

她走进起居室说:“我准备好拉提琴给你听了。”

“好哇，莎拉，”她爸爸说。“开始吧。”

她开始拉了。她拉得很差，发出了可怕的嗓音。她爸爸身旁有位朋友，朋友用手捂着耳朵。

莎拉拉完一曲，她父亲说:“拉得好，莎拉。

  你可以继续学琴了。”

莎拉高兴地跑出门去。她父亲的朋友对他说:“你已经花了不少钱了，但她还是拉得很差。”

“噢，的确如此，”她爸爸说，“但自从她开始学小提琴，我就可以很便宜地买下这幢楼的五个公寓。再过六周，我就可以拥有整幢楼啦!”。

一、有没有小学至初中水平的英语笑话或短文？

A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither. The son asks, "Dad，are we poisonous snakes?" The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?" "Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!" 一个阳光明媚的下午，蛇父亲和蛇儿子出去散步。儿子问：“爸爸，我们是毒蛇吗？”父亲得意的答道：“当然了，孩子，我们是响尾蛇啊！为什么这么问呢？”“因为，我刚把舌头咬破了！”

  Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow"。

老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?

汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行"。

Do You Know My Work？

One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．

Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．

“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”

“You don't know my work，” said the other．

“What is your work？”

“I'm a policeman．

“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．

“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”

译文：（自己简单翻译）

你知道我是干什么的吗？

一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。

两个人站在外面，看着大火。

“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”

“你不知道我是干什么的。

  ”另一个说。

“你是干什么的？”

“我是警察。”

“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。

“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”

Who is the laziest

Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today 。

  And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?

Jack:I don`t know ,father。

Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?

Jack:Our teacher ,father。

二、求几篇初一水平的英语日记？

  Todayisrainy。TheweatheriscoolandIwantmyMom。MyMomisbeautiful。Shehaslonghairandbigeyes。Mymomisverycautious。Sheisondutyat8:00inthemorningandgoeshomeat7:00intheevening。

  SheoftensendsE-mials。MyMomlovesmeverymuch。Shealwaystellsmetostudyhard。MyMomlikestospeakEnglishandreadbooks。Oh,Mom,Iloveyou!Igotupat6:40。

  inthemorningwehadourbreakfirst。MissDinggivesusanEnglishclass。Atfirstwehaveourdictation。ThenweleardEnglish。Intheafternoon,blounDanidearrivedintheclass。

  Weareexceited。Welearnedcoloursuchasred,yellow,pink,purple,green,bulueandsilver。I’mexpectingtomorrowOnthe10thweekYiqiruCoolweathertoday,Ifeelitwouldbenice。

  Iwenttothebookstores。Ifoundaveryinterestingbookcalled"deathNotes。"Ireadalongtime,simplyenchanted,andIthinkthisisaverygoodbook。

  周一七月10日今天天气凉爽,所以我的心情也很好。我去了书城。我发现了一本非常有趣的书,叫《死亡笔记》。我看了很久，简直入迷了，我认为这是一本很好的书。Theevening,themotherandIwouldgowithawalk。Sunhastogohome。

  Fancyariseofscenery,averybeautiful。Afterglowsomelikethebottomoftheriver,andsomelikeafiercedragon,andsomepeopleliketheDragonBoatFestivalrace,likeabeautifulprincessinfancywalking,howelegant!傍晚，我和妈妈一起去散步。

  太阳已经回家了。天边升起了一片晚霞，非常美丽。晚霞有的像清澈的小河，有的像张牙舞爪的龙，有的像端午节人们赛龙舟，还有的像一位美丽的公主在天边散步，多么优雅呀！TodayisSunday。Hotweather。Iandmybestfriendgoswimming,swimmingpools,manypeople。

  Thenwegotoalotofthings,theywereverydelicious。Iliketoeattheice-crowm。Ieattwo。16:00ustogohome。Sheinourhometoeatmeals,averyrichdinner。

  翻译：今天是星期天。天气很热。我和我最好的朋友去游泳，游泳池人很多。然后我们去吃了很多东西，它们都很美味。我最喜欢吃的是雪糕,所以我吃了两个。16点我们一起回家了。她在我们家吃的饭，晚餐十分丰盛。英语：Todayisthesummerofninedays。

  Thesedaysplayingveryhappy。Today,Ihadtobeworkedhard。6:00Igotup,eatabread,abowlofmilk。Iwroteamorningoftheoperation。Atnoon,Iwashungry。

  Ieatinstantnoodlesisnotverytasty。Iwatchedtelevision,thenworkedhardtocontinue。Fromhismother,Ihelpedmymothercooking,hermotherveryhappy。

  Today,veryhappyday!!翻译：今天是暑假的第9天。这几天玩的很开心。今天我要写作业了。我6点就起来了，吃了一片面包，一碗牛奶。我写了一早上的作业。中午，我饿了。我吃的是泡面，不太好吃。我看了一会电视，然后继续写作业。晚上妈妈回来了，我帮妈妈做饭，妈妈很开心。

  今天，一天很开心！！July142009TodayIfoundtimewasacruelthing。Whatevermanis,timealwaysgoeson。Itwon’tstaytowaitforsomebody。Youcan’tuseanythingtoexchangetime。

  Timeisalsoafairthing。Althoughyouhavealotofmoneyoryouenjoyhighreputation,timewon’tleavethemmore。TodayIfoundIhadn’tenoughtime。

  AlthoughIhavemorethana-monthholiday,butIfoundIhadalotofthingstodo。IhadalotofhomeworktodoandIamessentialtocompletethehomeworkassoonasIhavetime。

  July242009Ihaverestedfor10days。Inthesedays,Ifeltverybored。Ididn’tknowtodowhat。AlthoughIhadalotofthingstodo,Ifeltuncomfortable。

  Iwasillbecauseofthehotweather。Iwastired,sleepyandhadnostrength。Myparentsareworriedaboutmyhealth。infact,itdidn’tmatter。Iwasalwaysintheroomwithair-conditionerandopeneditinalowtemperature。

  SowhenIwentout,thehightemperaturedisagreedtome。Atlast,Iwasill。August62009Itwassunnytoday。Iwasexcited。Igotupataquartertoseven。

  Imadeaappointmenttomeetatnineo’clock。AfterIhadmybreakfast,IwenttotheWanjiaMarket。Itwashotoutside。WhenIarrived,myfriendsdidn’tarrive。

  IwaitedforhiminfrontoftheKFC’sdoor。Ihaven’tseenthemforayear。Andinayear,wedidn’tcomeintocontactwithothersfrequently。Abouttenminutesleft,myfriendsarrivedonebyone。

  Afterwegreeted,wewenttoplaybasketballinLiwanGymnasium。Thematchlastfortowhours。Oh!Ifillveryhappytoday!August72009Yesterdayweplayedhappily,buttherewereonlytenpeople。

  Irememberedlastyearthereweretwenty-twopeopleatall。Iheardsomemyfriendshadgoneabroad。Theywentabroadtostudy。MaybeIcouldn’tseetheminthefuture。

  Ithinknextyearwewon’tmakeaparty。Nextyearisaveryimportantyear。Weallwillpreparethenewterm’snewsubject。Iknow,itisthemostimportantforusnow。

  August112009Itisveryhotandwettodayandiscalledsaunaweather。Duringmymomdidthecookinginthekitchen,Isawherheadwassweaty。ItoldherIcouldhelpherandsheaccepted。

  Aftercooking,wewereallsweaty。However,mumandIallfelthappy。ShesaidIwasgrowingupandbecamehergoodassistant。August142009Ithinkmyteachergotoutofbedonthewtongsidethisafternoonasshehasn’tcries。

  iwenttoofficesawtheboysunhappy。Becausethestudentsgottheirteacher’sgoatbecametheydidn’tdotheirhomework。。Ithinkthisismyteacherunhappy’scause。

  Today,Isawaboy,heplayedthehandset。Butdidn’tsawthewallssoheRnockedwelaughupoursleeveatheknocked,buthehurthisnorseintheaccident,andhewaslayingitonthickabouthowpainfulitwas。

  It’salsoahappyday,isn’tit?。