求：用英语讲几个小笑话！！！！！！！！！！1

  One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living。

   The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree。

   The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。

  这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地 上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫 回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

Two Pieces of Cake

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

两块蛋糕

汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？

妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion。

   On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"　　

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。

  在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？” 　　

他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交换座位吗？”。

  Likefather,likeson有其父必有其子"WhenAbrahanLincolnwasyourage,"thefathertoldhisson,"heusedtowalktenmileseverydaytogettoschool。""Really?"thekidsaid。

  "Well,whenhewasyourage,hewaspresident。"Barbers理发师 ,sir? ,Ididn't。thatcase,Iseemtohaveslippedwiththerazor。Worsethanthat更糟"Professor,IdidthebestIcouldonthistest。

  Ireallydon'tthinkIdeserveazero。""NitherdoI。Butthat'sthelowestgradeI'mallowedtogive。"Raise加薪'vebeenherefor11yearsdoingthreemen'sworkforoneman'spay。

  NowIwantaraise。,Ican'tgiveyouaraise,butifyou'lltellmewhotheothertwomenare,I'llfirethem。

Everything is impossible!

Wife:You see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.　　Husband:It's okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat meals.　　妻子：你看这张报纸，据统计，死于肝癌的人80%都是喝酒的。丈夫：那有什么？据我调查，死于肝癌的人100%都吃饭的。

一、有20个单词的英语小故事吗？

  A Girl Just Like Mother No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice． “Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her． So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened？” “Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！” 37．和母亲一样的女孩 无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。

  一位朋友劝他说： “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。 他对他友好的忠告者说： “正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。

  ” “那后来呢？”朋友问。 “没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！”。

二、求几篇80个单词左右的英语短文？

  The spring Festival is coming soon! The festivel is considereded the most important one for Chinese people。 It is on the first day of lunar year。

   It is also the day of reunion among family members。 During these days, people would say "happy new year! or wish you make fortune! to each other。

   They would also visit their relatives and friends。 Children would be given "red packets"。 Children would have more to eat and play than usual。

  Playing firecrackers is also a popular game for children。

  太难了,勉强凑了一篇,你看看吧。

1。achieve one‘s goal（达成目标） human being（人类） behave well/badly toward sb。(对某人好) behave oneself（举止得体） move off（离开） lead a。

  。。life（过着。。。的生活） look down on（瞧不起） by chance（碰巧） carry on（继续，坚持）

Human beings are the strongest in the world, human beings has changed the world a lot, but some changes destroyed the world by chance, because we aren't alone in the world,for example,many animals moved off their habitats or even died out because of our construction。

   I think we should behave ourselves and shouldn't behave badly towards or look down on other beings。 Luckily, many people have relised it, and they carry on the work of pretecting the environment。

  For only in this way can we achieve the goal of living a better life。

三、谁有简单的英语小笑话

  One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living。

   The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree。

   The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。

  这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"。